Head: (4.5 of 5)
Heart: (4 of 5)
Leadership Applicability: (4.5 of 5)

Tired of reading business and leadership books that present bullet points and dry case studies that you absorb one day and forget the next? This book reads more like a novel than a business book-a novel you won't want to put down. The protagonist, Mike Sampson, is an executive at a hotel chain who has climbed the ranks of his company almost by brute force; he is smart, hard-charging, and controlling. His employees-and family members-jump when he says jump, but their hidden resentment of him often ends up sabotaging their collective goals. At the opening of the book, the COO is about to retire, and she tells Mike he will not be a contender for the position unless he makes some radical changes in his leadership style. She directs him to a wise executive coach who helped her some years before.

What Jacob, the executive coach, does is to open Sampson's awareness to what the authors call the "hidden chemistry" of organizations. The authors are D.C.-area executive coaches and organizational consultants who have developed their resilient leadership model by adapting a classic family systems theory, Bowen theory, to the broader setting of the organization. By hidden chemistry, the authors are referring to what they call the emotional processes and systems that operate under the level of most peoples' awareness. These are unseen, instinctual forces that drive networks of any size, whether one's own family or a huge corporate. Leaders who learn to watch for these hidden forces and how to influence them with their own behavior will exponentially increase their own resiliency and that of their organizations.

Jacob's first task it to help Mike become aware of his own emotional process as well as that of others.  This is the first part of the model: Seeing: Watch for emotional process. The second step involves Thinking: Think in terms of systems, and the third step is Leading: Focus on Differentiation of Self. At each point in the learning process, Jacob actively listens to Mike's issues, pairs the issue with appropriate learning materials, and sends him off with a couple of things to try differently. Then we get to see how well Mike does with his new learning in the messiness of real life.

The advantage of presenting this material in a fairly gripping narrative goes beyond keeping the readers' interest.  Learning through stories is one of the most natural ways for humans to learn.  Instead of being presented with a bare model and token examples, we bear witness to a transformational process in a character with which we can identify. We see him applying the principles of the model over and over with varying degrees of success. Not only does this help us learn the model more deeply, it helps us see resilient leadership as a life-long journey, not a final destination.

Here is an outline of the authors' Resilient Leadership Model:

I. Seeing: Watch for Emotional Process

Emotional process is a foundational concept for the model. It refers to a level of functioning much deeper than we usually associate with the term "emotions;" it includes automatic reactions proscribed by our childhood and even instinctual responses shared with all other living beings. In short, it refers to "dimensions of our makeup that are too deep for conscious awareness."  An aware leader may not be able to catalogue all that is affecting the emotional process in a room or company, but he or she can learn to pay attention to this undercurrent and influence it accordingly.  This entails an understanding of "self-other" forces - the tendency for any one individual or group to move toward (fuse) or away (distance) in times of stress- and automatic, reactive behaviors that leaders should look for and be able to identify, such as black-and-white thinking, victim mentalities, impulsive behaviors, invasive behaviors, and more.  In the face of these behaviors, leaders need to recognize what's going on, not take it personally, manage their own reactivity, lower anxiety, hold fast to their position, and watch for process rather than content.

II. Thinking: Think in Terms of Systems

The authors here draw heavily on Bowen Family Systems Theory. Leaders should become aware of themselves as part of a larger unit, and what role each person plays in light of the system as a whole.  A triangle of three people is the smallest stable unit of a relationships network, the basic "building block" of an emotional system. Since a leader is usually the most triangled member of an organization, he or she can exert tremendous influence by how well she manages herself in the network of interlocking triangles. Another aspect to systems thinking is to be aware of the presence of the past-chronic anxiety is handed down from one generation to the next in organizations as well as in families.

III. Leading: Focus on Differentiation of Self

Focusing on self, rather than trying to change others, is the more effective way to exercise leadership. Differentiation of self is a lifelong process of keeping one's being in balance by regulation and definition - by maintaining a healthy balance of self-other forces, regulating feeling responses with thinking responses, and engaging in principle-based behaviors. Leading by conviction means doing some basic self-work including learning theory, managing anxiety, becoming clearer about life-direction/goals, and increasing a sense of self in key relationship systems. Resilient leaders maintain resiliency by staying connected to the triangles and systems they are part of. They connect as a presence less anxious than those around them, thereby calming the system. Click here to buy the book